sing from your heart

Was trying to come up with a title for this post and decided to make myself a cup of tea. "Sing from your heart" said the teabag flag, and there it was - the title. Thanks, Yogi tea.

I've been looking for ways to boost my confidence and increase my creative output for a while, but it wasn't until my heart and ego got bruised (again) that my resolve got a little steelier.

Here's the story: Decided to get to know better someone I've known minimally for a while. Found I was interested in him romantically. Surprise! Heard from a mutual friend that he'd had a crush on me. Paired that with how things seemed to be going and became puzzled that despite things going "well" there seemed to be lots of interest but not necessarily romantic interest. Confessed my feelings and learned that the past crush thing and the current interest were the genuine article…and that indeed he does not currently have romantic feelings towards me.

Oh, Universe. You're so funny.

Music, particularly singing, is and has been for as long as I can remember, an anchor for me. It's a thread that weaves mind, body, and spirit together in just the right way AND increases my sense of being connected to God as one of many wonderful creations. What a powerful gift!

The Western, classical choral tradition and singing with school and community choral groups in that style has given me so much over the past few decades. Since I moved back east, though, I’ve felt a shift. I joined a local community choral ensemble, but no longer felt that was where I really wanted to be.

So over the last year or two, I’ve started exploring other musical outlets. You know me; nothing too far out of the usual here. I haven’t joined a punk band, or decided to start a solo career…yet. Subtle change is often just the sort of change I need. It gets me off of whatever stuck place I’ve found myself in and headed in a better direction. And, since this current exploration is really tied very closely with my own sense of self, self-confidence, and overall groundedness, the process is particularly suited to incremental changes. Each one builds on the other.

1

For one thing, I decided to go to 2/3 handbell ringing to 1/3 singing and now ring with 2 choirs and only sing with one. Bell choir #2 is super fun and has the potential to be much more challenging. I upped the challenge from year one to year two by playing D5 E5 in one choir and F5 and G5 in the other. Surprisingly challenging after a long day at work and especially when the church bell choir rings the day before the other bell choir rehearses, plus I had the same person on my right in both choirs.

2

And then I started looking into smaller choral groups that might be doing a cappella music – preferably close enough to get to but far enough to get me out of my usual turf. Late last spring I found a newly formed all-female a cappella group out near the coast. Pretty far, but (long story short) a good fit for me and Mom over the summer. Two hours to visit in the car (an hour each way from my place) each week, a chance for me to explore singing the baritone part in barbershop choral arrangements without all the super intense rehearsals, costumes and – gasp! – make-up, and a chance for Mom to sing with a group for the first time in about 45 years. Plus, we got to perform for some very nice people at a nursing home/assisted living place, so the experience had a good community service component as well.

Depending on what’s going on medically with Mom and Aunt Cherry this summer – they both have surgeries coming up this year – Mom and I may do it again.

3

A couple of times since I moved back east, I’ve also tried to gather a group of people to just sing for fun. The first time we had more people but less consistency and more bad luck. This time there are only 3 of us. And we’re all altos. And one of us is just learning to sing/read vocal harmonies having joined a church choir after years of playing the flute. But, so far we’ve met much more regularly and done more actual singing than the larger group had been able to manage. And we’re going to try putting something together for an open mic early next month.

4

And that brings me to the fourth component of my musical exploration/self-confidence building adventure. I’ve recently joined a local meet-up group and performed at two open mic events. At the first open mic, I wasn’t sure I’d perform anything because I hadn’t had time to prepare anything. But it was held in a church sanctuary and what do most church sanctuaries have? Hymnals! So I spent the next hour or so thumbing through a hymnal and taking in the energy of the space and the group.

I picked out a few potential hymns, asked my friend who was there with me if she’d like to sing with me (No! Thank you), and then asked for the clipboard to put my name down in a slot. It turned out I had the last slot of the evening (9:30pm). Pretty much everyone else was either doing the stringed instrument + vocals thing, but I went ahead up to the piano at 9:30, introduced myself and invited people to sing along and/or come up and play.

Despite being super nervous in the beginning, it was a really positive experience. One guy came up and played his Dobro while I sang and I think at least one person sang along with me from the pews.

I actually didn’t officially join the meet-up group until after that first open mic, but once I did join I went ahead and RSVP’d for the next open mic which was the following Friday. I said I was coming with a plus one, thinking that either or both of my friends I’ve been singing with for fun would join me.

As it turned out, both of them already had other plans and at that point I had lunch plans with my new wish-it-were-more friend who happens to play piano. So I went ahead and asked him if he’d like to try putting something together for it. This was two days before the open mic. He was game, so we put a set together and ended up having a pretty great time. The last song we did was the Beatles’ Hey Jude, and we invited everybody to come up and jam with us. They did. It was very cool.

I learned that I have to get used to keeping my mouth super close to the mic at the bigger venue. (It had been fine at the smaller church venue.) And I need to make sure that I get there earlier so that all the early slots aren’t already filled. I’m just not that much of a late night person anyway and my voice really shows it. Come to think of it, I’d also come to that open mic straight from a counseling session (read: about an hour of talking) at the end of a long day of work. So maybe it was a combination of things :-)

In any case, I still found myself a little feeling down about the no-romantic-feelings-for-me aspect of the time with my friend by the end of the night, so I’m planning on doing the next open mic either with my girlfriends or maybe with some other people from the meet-up. It’ll also be back at the smaller venue, so that should be helpful, too.

There’s a lot of talent in the group, so these open mics are also a great opportunity to hear good, live music. And so, I’ll keep enjoying that aspect of it, sing from my heart and go wherever it takes me.